Tag: single

The beauty of hindsight regarding a breakup

In a few days it’s going to be a year since my ex and I split up. This year of being single has been amazing. However, the first few months were agonizing and hard as I had to rebuild my self love from the pain of the breakup and emotional turmoil. I had become insecure and found it very easy to fall into the trap of self pity and blame. Such feelings are common given the circumstances and I never wanted to fall in love again. I also felt as if I had forgotten how to be single and being alone with my thoughts was unpleasant. I now look back and am grateful for the experience. My ex was my first proper boyfriend, my first love and he set the standard for every guy thereafter. The men I attract now are so much better than the boys I’d attract before that relationship. I am also a lot more aware of my self worth and do not feel I need attention or a male figure in my life constantly in order to feel good about myself.

I’ve never been one to rely on a male companion to feel fulfilled or happy however we all enjoy receiving attention and it’s fun having that someone to flirt and talk to. Being in love and the feeling of fresh romance is exhilarating and I can look back at the moments I first fell in love and feel the raw, intense joy it brings. That is how I know I have fully overcome the pain from that breakup and feel no bitterness towards my ex. I have reached a place of understanding and compassion. I see and understand that every relationship and romantic encounter is a lesson to us; they allow us to collect data on what we really want and need in a man. These “mistakes” allow progression and so when approached from a detached perspective, the breakups do not being pain, they bring us an opportunity to upgrade from the relationship we thought was best for us. I needed to make that mistake of falling in love and being attached in order to be able to look at myself later and realise where I had gone wrong in order to prevent that happening again. Being in love for the first time can be very confusing and overwhelming  The next relationships will only be better as I now know what it feels like to fall in love and how I should keep myself aware of the bigger picture in life at all times. We can easily lose sight and get caught up in the infatuation and feelings of romance. We can also easily get caught up in the feelings of bitterness, pain and over-thinking of what went “wrong” when the relationship ends.

Every emotion and experience serves us and it takes time for us to get over all the negative, confused emotions and thoughts to embrace that concept. I feel I am at my peak with my sense of self worth and what I deserve in a man and that will only expand in the future. Life just gets better and better as time goes on….if you let it.

When I now think of what I want in my man/husband, there is more on the list than there was 18 months ago. My ex was everything I wanted back then, the guys after him have been an upgrade since and now I am still adding to that list (I’d listen to Beyoncé – Upgrade U after the breakup quite frequently 😉 hehe). I cannot wait to meet this amazing companion. However I am happy being single at the moment and I’m so in love with myself and life that I feel fulfilled. I feel satisfied yet excited and open to receiving more of life’s great gifts which are beyond our imagination. It’s all about finding that balance between feeling fulfilled and happy with life yet also aware and open to new experiences. Being so satisfied with life that you feel bored is stagnation, keep the imagination flowing.

So I’d like to say thank you to the universe for that heartbreak I experienced last year and the amazing year I’ve had being single. I feel strong, I feel love, I feel joy, I feel invincible, I feel aware and I feel expansive. As Anthony Robbins says, “Raise your standards.” Life presents you with higher standards through mistakes and so you can only receive better if you embrace every lesson life brings.

Attachments are a hindrance

I have a book called Angel Messages  by Juan Nakamori which I have had for years and love to look into for little messages of guidance and positivity. My cousin gave it to me at a time where I was very depressed and whenever I’ve found myself feeling lost or upset, I will randomly open a page or think of a number and take in the message I see. Today the message I was given read:

“As you free yourself from attachment, you will gain spontaneity. As you remove restrictions, you will gain freedom.” – Page 34

This message resonates with me very well. I believe that attachments to people and things hold you back and as you become so conformable with what you have, you lose the spontaneity to do exciting things and progress in life.

I believe that the perfect mate is someone who you can be spontaneous with and someone that you are so close to where you feel like yourself at all times. You can do whatever you want in life and achieve your ambitions without the fear of that person leaving you or hindering you in any way. Many relationships are restrictive without us realising. Sometimes we resist our true selves out of fear, fear that our actions will upset others. However we need to remember that our lives belong to ourself. The people we cherish will stick with us though whatever we wish to pursue. People who try to knock you down or hold you back are insecure and not people you want to surround yourself with. I’ve found that I’m at my happiest, most free and spontaneous when single and focused on loving my friends and family. The men that have come into my life have been good to me however it’s very easy to fall into the trap of compromising yourself for them which results in holding yourself back without realising. I have seen this with my friends and other girls. I’ve always been aware that I need a man as adventurous and as free as myself who I can have an amazing relationship with. You can definitely maintain your independence and pursue the life you dream of with the right person, however my main point is that it is very easy to become attached, reliant and comfortable in a relationship which can result in loss of ambition.

Focus on yourself and trust that the right people will enter and stay in your life. Allow yourself to enjoy life and stop letting your attachments and restrictions hold you back from being your truest, most authentic self.