Perfectionism is fear of failure… 

Feeling loved and enjoying life comes from being authentic, not perfect. That’s the lesson I’ve learned this Summer.

Having had experienced another failed romance (romantic relationships just don’t seem to fully bloom into commitments for me),  I thought, “OK there’s clearly some inner work I need to do in order to dig deep and find out why I’m repeating the same experiences in my romantic relationships.”

Now I hate to admit that I have any fears or weaknesses but this time I finally faced up to the fact that my biggest fear is rejection. While I’m a confident, independent and happy woman, the belief I held was that rejection equals failure which equals ‘not good enough’.

So in order to prevent rejection, I adopted high standards which were actually perfectionism. Attaining perfection is tiresome as the idea of ‘perfect’ is an illusion, it’s subjective, and forever elusive.

I realised that I was so fixated on being “the perfect girl” in order to avoid rejection because I believed that if I ticked all of the boxes, I could never be rejected. Yet I wasn’t getting the full love and acceptance I desired in romance.

That was because I had been rejecting myself all along without even realising it. The high standards I had placed on myself were conditions; conditions I had to fulfill in order to feel good enough. This included everyday thoughts which would go unnoticed such as,  “I’ll feel 100% good about myself once I’ve had my hair done” or,  “Next week I’ll feel better once I’ve cut out the junk food.” No, the time to feel good and love yourself unconditionally is now.

I now understand how important authenticity and unconditional self approval is. Without them, we will unknowingly seek approval outside of ourselves and latch onto it once someone gives us the acceptance we’ve denied ourselves. This happens without realising as the lack of fulfilment and connectedness is masked with egoic ‘high standards’.

However when we unconditionally love and accept ourselves, other people’s opinions, whether positive or negative, become unnecessary.

Let go of the fear of failure and the need to be perfect. Instead, embrace yourself and be fearless about putting yourself and your happiness first! 

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Noting your blessings

Life always has and always will provide us with blessings and everything we want however it’s easy to get caught up in the ego’s insatiable desire for ‘more.’

Gratitude soothes feelings of discomfort and inadequacy which often arise when thinking about what the next thing to accomplish or acquire is. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious however our present blessings can often be overlooked in our pursuits.

Remind yourself that there was a time you were praying for everything that you now have. Take a moment to feel the appreciation of where you are now, all that you have achieved and are yet to achieve.

Image source: http://pin.it/nV2N6g3

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Denying The Present Moment

Our minds love to wander, imagine the future and ponder the many different possibilities of life, which can sometimes be ‘anywhere but here.’

While there are great moments in life where we’re fully present, there are also moments where dissatisfaction can creep in without us realising. However instead of facing the uncomfortable feeling, we do everything to avoid it.

We fill our schedules up ‘to be busy’, plan a holiday ‘to get away.’ Being busy and going on holiday are fantastic activities however there’s a difference between doing them from a place of genuine excitement and using them as a way of escaping life.

“Every place you don’t want to be at feels like a prison. And we have so many desires, expectations and go back to the past and think about the future so often, that I can safely say that we live in such a prison all the time.

“So each time you wish you were somewhere else right now is another solid wall you build and thus make this imaginary building even stronger.” – Lidiya K.; This Moment

Thinking about the future needn’t bring up feelings of anxiety and impatience – this usually happens when one compares their current situation with their future by highlighting what’s ‘missing’ from the Now. Such thoughts are filled with doubt and fear,

“How am I going to get there?”

“What if I don’t make it?”

“I’m too far away from that vision.”

The thing to remember is that we’re always at the right place, at the right time. We are where we’re supposed to be and everything unfolds perfectly. As hard as that can be to accept at times, it’s really not that bad.

Look back on your life to moments where you’ve felt dissatisfied or distant from your dreams and think about where you are now. What have you accomplished since then? How much have you grown as a person? What has worked out which you couldn’t see working out at the time?  In those difficult moments, you probably thought, “Oh my, how am I going to get from here to there?” Life is a journey and the path isn’t always clear-cut. Most of the time the route unfolds along the way and in ways we couldn’t have imagined ourselves.

“Realise deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” — Eckhart Tolle

Instead of trying to deny the present moment, feel it and observe the thoughts and feelings which come. Remember that’s all they are; thoughts. Life is calling to teach you something and the choice of embracing it with Love or running away with Fear is up to you.

“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.” – Eckhart Tolle

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Image credit:
Lesly B. Juarez

Reclaim your power and tap into courage!

Recently, I’ve been unwillingly exercising negative feelings and thoughts stemming from insecurity (I hate to admit it but it’s true). Insecurity of where I am in life which led to questioning where I was headed in life or how I’d get to where I wanted to be. That’s the problem with over-thinking, we dissect each thought and criticize, think and think on it and our minds begin to over analyse and so steer towards thoughts of lack or worry.

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” – Anthony Hopkins

We question our capabilities and worthiness of being able to attain what we want. We beat ourselves up for being where we are yet lack the willpower and motivation to make a change. Fear gets the better of us and we become focused in moments outside of the present. Whenever I felt ease or a bit of hope, it was very short-lived. Affirmations were not resonating with me or sticking; they were just words. This manifested into my physical being as I became lethargic however this weekend, something just clicked.

I came across a post on chakras whilst browsing online. I’ve known about chakras for some years but this particular post I had stumbled upon inspired me to look at the subject in more detail. I realised that chakras are energy centres in our body which we must maintain healthily through ensuring that the energy flow in each one is unblocked. I came to realise that a few of my chakras are blocked and I understood that it was due to letting disappointments get the better of me. I needed to reinforce perseverance and remember my inner champion. I then reminded myself of when I was at university and the amount of unshakeable confidence and power I had mentally back then was a lot more than what I was feeling recently. I felt this sense of clarity and power enter me. I realised that I had been fearing more and trusting God/Source/The Universe less all that time. I belittled myself and my existence instead of reminding myself that I am a powerful being and I am here to make a difference (as we all are) I was scared to take action to better my circumstances since my outside world was reflective of my fears.

As of this weekend, my thoughts have now become,

“Stop being so negative and reclaim your power! You are powerful, you are worthy. Trust more and fear less. You are looked after and everything always works out for you. Never belittle yourself and do not give up. You are a fighter and a winner so yield that power. You are also a work in progress so stop pressuring yourself unnecessarily. You need not justify where you are to anyone or to yourself, focus on what you want and take steps to achieve that. I am unrestricted and limitless.”

I now feel those words. I have embraced my courage that had become dormant and am diminishing my fears (I mean what the hell have I got to be afraid of anyway?! I receive so much love and support from family and friends. I have nothing life threatening going on). I feel a lot more in control of myself and my life. I will witness any negative thoughts or feelings of insecurity and watch them dissolve rather than run away from them through denial. I am courageous, I am a fighter. I am powerful. I am fresh, innovative energy. I am going to fiercely pursue my dreams and persevere through whatever comes my way. Fear is an illusion and it just spirals into self doubt and inaction. I am worthy. I can and I will accomplish anything and everything I want.

So you know what I say to life?….

Don’t make life difficult and don’t look back. Work with that you have and where you are. Take action to improve whatever you want to improve and do not let setbacks diminish your faith. Promise yourself that you will do your best to stay strong and feel as good as you can in this present moment. Life really isn’t as hard or dreary as we sometimes tell ourselves it is, that’s just the dramatic ego talking.

I’ll also leave you with a few quotes…

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” – Aristotle

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success.” – David Sarnoff

“Destiny has a lot to do with it, but so do you. You have to persevere, you have to insist.” – Andrea Bocelli

Attachments are a hindrance

I have a book called Angel Messages  by Juan Nakamori which I have had for years and love to look into for little messages of guidance and positivity. My cousin gave it to me at a time where I was very depressed and whenever I’ve found myself feeling lost or upset, I will randomly open a page or think of a number and take in the message I see. Today the message I was given read:

“As you free yourself from attachment, you will gain spontaneity. As you remove restrictions, you will gain freedom.” – Page 34

This message resonates with me very well. I believe that attachments to people and things hold you back and as you become so conformable with what you have, you lose the spontaneity to do exciting things and progress in life.

I believe that the perfect mate is someone who you can be spontaneous with and someone that you are so close to where you feel like yourself at all times. You can do whatever you want in life and achieve your ambitions without the fear of that person leaving you or hindering you in any way. Many relationships are restrictive without us realising. Sometimes we resist our true selves out of fear, fear that our actions will upset others. However we need to remember that our lives belong to ourself. The people we cherish will stick with us though whatever we wish to pursue. People who try to knock you down or hold you back are insecure and not people you want to surround yourself with. I’ve found that I’m at my happiest, most free and spontaneous when single and focused on loving my friends and family. The men that have come into my life have been good to me however it’s very easy to fall into the trap of compromising yourself for them which results in holding yourself back without realising. I have seen this with my friends and other girls. I’ve always been aware that I need a man as adventurous and as free as myself who I can have an amazing relationship with. You can definitely maintain your independence and pursue the life you dream of with the right person, however my main point is that it is very easy to become attached, reliant and comfortable in a relationship which can result in loss of ambition.

Focus on yourself and trust that the right people will enter and stay in your life. Allow yourself to enjoy life and stop letting your attachments and restrictions hold you back from being your truest, most authentic self.

It’s OK to not care

When something happens that culture and society tells you you should be upset about (e.g. a breakup). Pain and sorrow are great teachers however they do not always need to be felt. Loss is perceived, we never really lose anything or anyone since we are here by ourselves and for ourselves. Being happy is our natural state and if you’re not phased by something, don’t let your mind tell you you should be. Ego is the enemy which wants to bring you down. Stay blissful and bask in the greatness of everything around you. Life is a gift to be enjoyed and everything in life is temporary.